Breathe (and stop!)
“One AMAZING thing happened to me today with my boyfriend. Everything was going like normal, but about thirty seconds before my orgasm, I started taking really deep breaths. I never realized it, but I often hold my breath, or take really quick, shallow breaths during sex, or when I’m masturbating. I think that’s a completely involuntary thing.
Well, I took one huge, deep breath, right as I orgasmed, and it was probably the most amazing orgasm ever. That’s right, ever. Better than a squirt, better than my first time, better than anything. That’s how I always imagined climaxes were, but I was always disappointed that I never had one like that.
It literally felt like the pleasure came in waves, all from my belly, to the tips of my fingers, down to my toes. I felt like I was being cut in half, in the best way. Wow! That sounds totally awful, but it was almost like an out of body experience, the pleasure was that great.
My boyfriend noticed- he knew today was a little different than the usual! He kept asking what he did that was different. I just laughed and told him we got lucky. (I couldn’t let him down, easy. Haha.)
Ladies (and gentlemen) remember to breathe! It’s not just for yoga! You’ll be thanking me later! xxx”
But on the other hand!
“I just had to tell you that I tried holding my breath right before and during my orgasm and it was the most surreal and pleasurable thing I think I’ve ever experienced. It seriously lasted like a minute!”
So, here’s a fun thing: pay attention to what you normally do. And then next time, try doing the opposite. It’s kind of fun.
more fun links to explore…
hey, remember when i posted all those sex blog links? naturally, some of you sent me some more! so here they are…
“You should definitely check out theladies-room it’s a fantastic blog!
“Here’s a link I think you should add: yesmistressandpetthings. Admittedly it’s my porn blog… :)”
“OK, so for everyone else who likes to masturbate (v. often) like me, i want to tell you about the audios on Literotica. They’re SO hot like kbdjxbdv… so check ‘em out if that’s your kinda thing!”
“You should totally check out roughsmut. Such an über sweet girl, sexy too from her own pictures and damn good reblogs too. I can’t remember her name but she’s definitely someone everyone should follow.”
“Can you add lesbea.com to your list of porn stuffs? They make the BEST lesbian porn ever. It’s intimate and all the actors are really hot too. You have to subscribe, but pornhub post their vids for free too!”
“I like thegirlon.tumblr.com.”
“For the anon asking about consensual bondage porn, I’ve found that it’s best to search for feminist porn companies. You would probably have to spend a little money to subscribe or buy videos, but that way you’ll know with more certainty that it is respectful and safe—and you’re supporting awesome work too! I can’t remember exactly which feminist porn companies do bondage, but there are lots around.”
“For the person asking about consent in porn. There is a huge market of camgirls out there that make porn just like this, on their own, and you know for sure it’s consensual. Some videos even explicitly state the scene is consensual. Mainstream porn is rubbish. Self-made and camgirl porn is soooo much better.”
challenge: try to convince people that ‘dick’ is short for ‘dickoris’
This one via two separate people:
“Hey so I love your blog and everything you’re doing! I just thought I’d share this really hot video because we all know how exciting (and frustrating) it can be to hear other people going at it. Also the egg part at the end is a little bit shocking but I can’t deny how incredibly hot it is too.”
“I was looking for a video of a girl masturbating and this is a kind of a great vid… although she uses an egg! Have you ever heard of this. And it’s not like ‘fetish egg porn’, it just really puzzled me… after I finished ;)”
Gonna file this one under ‘do not try this at home.’ :)
“So I just tried putting IcyHot on my nipples, and it felt so good! I put a little on my inner thighs and then accidentally rubbed my whole hand over my lips and clit, and the feeling was so intense I thought I was about to cum right then! I got my electric toothbrush and put the head right on my clit and closed my legs around it and holy shit it was the best orgasm I’ve ever had.”
“OMG, I put bengay on my nipples and it feels amazing! Sorry, but I just had to tell someone.”
“I was reading about the icyhot on breasts thing, and well, they actually make a lube that is exactly like that but it’s safe for your genitals! I have it, but don’t remember what its called (because the box got ripped open pretty fast) but it’s incredible to use down there!”
“About the IcyHot/Mineral Ice on your bits…i wouldn’t suggest it. If you really want to try something mentholated Pure Romance makes a cream especially made to go on your clit/lips/region. It’s also flavored so ya know… But if you just put a little on and lay in front of a fan you’ll be a happy girl.”
“NOOOO DONT PUT ICY HOT ON YOUR VAGINA. IT BURNSSSS. JUST BUY THOSE FIRE AND ICE CONDOMS. THEY FEEL THE SAME JUST THEY ARENT AS INTENSE OR STRONG. THANK GOD. ICY HOT FUCKING BURNS. Haven’t heard of using it on your boobs though.”
Yep! I’m all for improvisation but, especially down below, you should probably invest in something more designed for the purpose! There are lots and lots of different cooling, warming and generally arousing gels to make you feel all tingly and glowing and throbbing and sensitive and awesome… so probably go for one of those, yeah?
'Best birthday gift ever.'
“One thing you have to know about me is that I love to please. Nothing makes me hornier than seeing my partner turned on, and seeing him cum is just the best.
Background story: it’s his 21st birthday, and we just had a huge Italian dinner with his huge Italian family at his parents house and most of the people had just left. We hadn’t been able to touch (let alone fuck) each other for a couple of weeks, so needless to say I was craving him.
During dessert he kept looking at me with those piercing brown eyes of his that I know so well and I wasn’t quite sure why. He had been holding my hand under the table as dessert had ended and we were just talking with his family. With out fingers entwined he placed my hand on his muscular leg (which he knows I love to touch). I began to rub his thigh back and forth and noticed quickly that he was guiding my hand closer and closer to his penis. I kinda looked at him funny cause you know his family is legit right there. As soon as I touched his dick I knew why, he had a semi boner (which he gets often by just kissing me or whatever, I dunno he is young and horny ok). I kinda smirked at him cause it was the worst timing, but I could understand cause we had been away from each other for so long. Finally, ten minutes later we see an opportunity to go down to the basement alone (things were kinda settling down).
The basement is our fuck spot. We both have big families and it’s really hard to find any privacy. We both run down the stairs and as I reach the last step he turns around, picks me up and kisses me hard (ugh my favourite). He pushes me up against the wood pole by the stairs. He plays a little game of slipping his tongue into my mouth and gliding it across my four front teeth. This boy knows how to make me wet. He grabs the back belt loop of my jeans and pushes me along until we hit the black leather couch. As he moves his body up and down mine I can feel how hard his dick is. I hook two of my fingers to the inside of the front of his jeans and can feel the softness of hard cock. He instantly gives a half smile and I know he wants me. I kiss his neck up and down making him moan as I go. The harder he grabs my ass the harder I kiss and he loves to grab hard. He whispers in my ear ever so softly “oh baby”, I laugh and say “yes sir?”.
"You look so fucking good" and at that moment pulls my tank top off and goes straight for my tits. My nipples are so hard you can practically see them through my black bra. I put my breasts in his face but only enough that they touch his mouth and cheeks but not close enough for him to really get a good hold on them. Finally he grabs my right tit with his big right hand and plays with my nipple wiht his mouth, at first only his tongue then his teeth. He hears my breathing get heavier as I put my fingers down my pants (his favourite thing to see). He instantly goes for my tight jeans and they come off without hesitation.
i slip my hand down his green shirt and can feel his abs tightening as I go. I know he wants me. I ever so slowly take his jeans off. I love how he looks in his boxers so I never take them off. I can see his massive cock though as I slip it out of his boxers. I look up and see him smile with so much joy. He laughs and says “best birthday gift ever.”
I had been chewing spearmint gum since I had finished dessert. It still had a bit of flavour left but not much. I slowly start flicking the tip of his penis with my tongue and he lets such a loud moan I;m afraid the people above us will hear it. We make eye contact and I continue. I start really going at it making sure to touch those rock hard quads and hamstrings that I love so much, damn they feel so good. I stop for a moment and come up and lay on his chest and give him a nice long slow kiss. Normally by this point he wants to fuck me, which he knows sometimes disappoints me because I get worried that I’m not sucking him as good as I should. He usually makes the first move but he never takes off my lace thong like he usually does instead he just sits there and fingers me. I was obviously really wet. He whispers “baby I’m half way there”. I just about cum right there thinking about him finishing in my mouth and without hesitation I climb back down his body.
I have never sucked his dick so passionately as I did that night . he is still fingering me at this point, sticking his fingers in and out of me. Such a tease but it’s getting me off. I keep looking up at him but I pretend like I’m not because he makes the sexiest faces when he thinks I’m not looking, biting his lip and putting his head back . He eventually tells me to slow down, which for him is a sign that he is reallllly close to cuming. He seems to almost pick up my hips and spins me around so I am sitting on his face. He is eating me out so good I’m shaking and he knows it. He starts finger fucking me so hard (I love it rough) He finally mumbles through my lips ”I’m gonna cum, I’m gonna cum” and that’s it I’m done I squirt all over his fingers and it runs down onto his face just as I feel his dick shake and my mouth fills with his cum. We stop, laugh and as I turn around he goes “Damn baby, you should suck my dick with spearmint more often…”
Turns out it made his dick tingle just a bit… and finally allowed me give my boyfriend the blowjob that I will never forget. True story!”
Sex and doctors and privacy
I get lots of random asks about this kind of stuff. Like this for example:
“I need birth control to reduce period cramps, but I don’t want to tell my mom I’ve had sex. Is there any way the doctor could know if I have or haven’t if I tell him I haven’t!?”
Here are a few things you should know…
Your doctor can’t ‘tell’ if you’re sexually active or not. There’s no magic sign that says “a penis has been here!” So don’t worry about that.
There’s also no way for them to tell if you masturbate or how much. Yes, people have asked about that too!
That said, you really shouldn’t lie to your doctor. Imagine you have the symptoms of an STI, but even though you’re sexually active, you tell your doctor you aren’t. They’re going to go running around doing all sorts of tests trying to explain what’s up with your vagina, while you get even more poorly. It’s a bad idea. Just tell the truth. Because…
It’s usually confidential! For the most part, doctors aren’t allowed to tell people what you’ve told them or the treatment they’ve provided. This is particularly true for sexual health services. That said, the law varies from country to country and state to state, you should check with your doctor that this is strictly between you and them and clarify that that’s how you want it.
Things that don’t matter: if your doctor is also your mom’s doctor, or she drove you there, or it’s the same doctor that when you were little she’d go in with you and sit in while you told your doctor what was up.
These laws exist to protect you. Doctors know that people (especially younger people) are much less likely to get the healthcare they need if other people are going to find out about it.
There are exceptions. If you’re on your parents health insurance they may receive an ‘Explanation of Benefits’ (sort of like a bank statement) that explains in broad or specific terms what healthcare has been charged to their account. (Here’s advice on how to get out of that.)
In some states the law says one of your parents has to be notified if you want to have an abortion.
If you’re a minor and your doctor believes you’re being sexually abused and at risk of further abuse, they’re usually obliged to inform the authorities (not necessarily your parents) in order to protect you.
Also, there are more practical privacy issues. (You might not want a letter with test results sent to your home address, for example!) Tell your doctor so they can make other arrangements.
If you want birth control… Hormonal birth control is, duh, a contraceptive, but it’s also used for lots of other things, like dealing with heavy periods or acne. So you can always say it’s for that at home.
Or you can go off the grid altogether. If you need even more peace of mind, you can independently make an appointment at a sexual health clinic like Planned Parenthood. They’ll be able to advise you and of course they’ll explain your privacy situation in detail if you ask! If you have cash you can pay for what you want completely unconnected from your family’s insurance.
Doctors have seen it all. Whether you’re getting a weird burning during sex or strange headaches after you orgasm or discharge that’s randomly squicky or anything, remember that won’t be nearly the strangest thing they’ve heard that week. If anyone is used to the idea of humans as people that bleed, poop, fuck, and ooze all sorts of stuff, it’s doctors. You’ll be surprised how cool they usually are.
But if your doctor is uncool, get yourself a different doctor. There are some rogue prudish, lazy or unhelpful doctors out there, but fortunately, there are lots of others too. If your doctor doesn’t make you feel comfortable, or isn’t someone you can open up to, just switch. If you’re worried about something but don’t feel you were taken seriously, get a second opinion.
And if you find a really nice doctor, keep ‘em! It’s great for your health to have a regular person you can go to with everything. Even when it’s something kind of dorky, and they’re like “oh, that? no! that’s not even a thing, you’re fine!” but don’t make you feel like an idiot for asking.
I’m stuck in my head with sex and now I can’t even get turned on anymore. Help!
“I’m 22 years old. I’ve never been in love or had a serious relationship. I’ve hooked up with plenty of people in college and have had sex with a couple.
But here comes my current issue: right now I’m sleeping with this great guy. We’re keeping it casual but that’s the way we both want it. I’m definitely into him. He’s a lot bigger than the first guy I had sex with so it hurt a bunch the first couple of times. The third time we had sex, it started to actually feel good, i got super wet, and my legs were shaking after. I have never felt that before. I was so excited to have sex with him again. We planned for a night that he’d come stay over and we’d fuck all night. I was definitely into it but I ran into a sudden problem. I couldn’t get wet. And that got me frustrated which did not help the problem at hand at all. He fingered me and went down on me a bunch that night but literally nothing worked! I’m definitely into him and I enjoyed everything he was doing, kissing, cuddling, all of that, but nothing would even get me close. I was too stuck in my head.
Ever since that (this was a couple weeks ago) I seem to not be able to get turned on at all. I’m still thinking about sex all the time as usual, and in my head i know I want to do it, and I have since then. (Lube doesn’t do shit either, because I’m not aroused so it’s just blah). And I feel bad because he keeps thinking he’s doing something wrong. But I just can’t get out of my head. I can’t get wet. I typically get randomly turned on some evenings which is typically when I masturbate, but i’m not even feeling that now. I feel like I have no arousal left in me and it makes me feel broken. And It’s sad because i know its a mental thing but I have no clue how to break out of it! All I want is to have the pleasurable sex that I imagine us having. (Note, even when I fantasise about it, i may just get a slight moisture down there, but basically no response.)”
Oh honey, I really feel for you, and I know exactly what you’re going through. It’s so frustrating and bewildering and disappointing all at once! And for some reason, it’s often when we’re really excited to have sex with someone that it strikes. Maybe it’s that weird self-imposed pressure for things to go perfectly? I don’t know. Anyways.
The bad news is there’s no one secret trick to suddenly get things up and running. But I feel confident you’ll get past it eventually.
Something that might help is just to take a break from sex. I know that’s not very convenient, because your thing with this guy is pretty casual, so it might not carry on if you stop having sex. But even so. Just taking some time out might be better than carrying on the cycle of trying-and-failing-and-panicking.
Or, instead, you can just exclude yourself from sex and concentrate on him for a while! Naturally, if you’re genuinely not horny at all, don’t do stuff with him only to please him. That’s no fun at all. But this can work if you feel like you want to fool around, but you just can’t stop overanalysing your own horniness and whether you’re wet or not and all of that.
Take all the time you need… and then a little more time on top of that. Don’t feel you have to leap back into Doing It the moment you feel like you might be OK with it. You can leave it until you’re like “god I’m so turned on why am I not having sex right now, this whole ‘giving it time’ thing seems really stupid at this point.”
For random recurring overthinking, hypnotherapy can be good. It’s basically someone very persuasively telling you that you’re not going to think about it anymore. And then you’re a bit like “huh!” It’s weird.
Anyway. This kind of thing is a bit like depression in your ladyparts. It suddenly happens, then the bad physical stuff leads to bad mental stuff in a really annoying loop, and it can feel like you’re totally stuck and all is hopeless. There is a way out, but even when you’re out, it’s not always clear why it happened or why it ended. (That’s why my advice isn’t better!) But just be kind and patient with yourself in the meantime, take time out if you need, and you’ll find your way through.
oh for godssake spellcheck how do you ever expect to please a woman